An Anxious Heart

Just as I wrote last night about my fear of the current swine flu, the message from today's God's Daily Word - a daily devotional message which is delivered via email - which I subscribe to, speaks about the topic of anxiety. [See http://www.gdwm.org/ if interested.]

I'm greatly comforted by the message. It taught:

• We must be able to trust God for our eternity as well as our daily walk. A good measure of our trust (or lack of trust) is in our level of anxiety.

• Anxiety remained a necessary topic as Paul preached the Good News of Jesus. Almost in the same breath that he gave instruction to "Rejoice in the Lord always!" (Philippians 4:4), Paul taught on removing anxiety from our life; "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God" (Philippians 4:6).

• When we find ourselves being overly concerned or mentally troubled about ANYTHING, we must go to God (with thanksgiving) and give our burdens to Him. This doesn't mean we ignore our problems, but we must learn to view the things of this world against the backdrop of eternity. The concerns of this life always fade as we compare them to the eternal glory of His Kingdom.

• And as we trust Him more and more, we will receive His gift of peace and no longer live with the burdening weight of an anxious heart.

Swine Flu....

A horrible swine flu broke out in Mexico. A number of people have died and many more have been infected. The virus has travelled to the US, Canada, Spain, Germany, New Zealand, and more suspected cases are turning up in South Korea, Australia and France. Although it appears it’s a matter of time this will hit home, I’m praying very hard it wouldn’t.

When SARS broke out in 2003, I was in Shanghai, and blissfully ignorant. Somehow it did not occur to me at that time that Shanghai was equally, or more at risk (given the low level of hygiene practices there, with spit-missiles flying all over the place). The news on TV was calm and it sounded like everything was under control. Because there was not much reported in the media, especially in the limited English newspapers targeted at expatriates, I did not feel unsafe at all.

This time things are different for me. I’m feeling a little panicky even though the MOH DORSCON status is still “yellow”. I’m totally unprepared – I don’t have a decent stock of food supplies, and I don’t have even one surgical mask at home! I think I’m fearful now because I have a baby, and I’m worrying over how I can protect her. Definitely paranoid at this point, but one day, should the virus be ferociously air-borne, what should I do?!

I constantly remind myself that God is Lord of all things, including our lives. Last night as I laid in bed pondering over this, I asked myself if I would still love God if my baby, or any loved one, is taken away from me. It’s going to be a painful decision, but I think, after an initial period of resentment and anguish, the correct answer should be ‘yes’. Matured Christians rejoice with the passing of loved ones, because they believe the latter have returned to join the Lord and begin their eternal lives in Heaven - the destination where we all long to be!

Still, I’m praying that God will protect all my family members (including my maid) and friends from harm. As for Chloe, who’s also a child of God, I have to commit her into God’s hands and trust that He will watch over her like He has over me. A time like this certainly calls for strengthening of faith!

Updates on Chloe

I haven't uploaded photos of Chloe for some time. As the paediatrician had said, from the 6th-month onwards, the growth of the baby will slow down. It's quite true from a comparison of Chloe's photos taken in recent months. She has "slimmed down" a little, and lost the baby-fats. But she's still a healthy 9.8kg or more, ahead of average babies, and markedly taller now. She just turned 9 months old last Wed.

Chloe has brought everyone in the family great joy. At 6 months she learnt to sit, before 7 months she learnt to stand holding to the sides of the colt, at 8 months she could run around in the baby walker, and now, she's learning to take her first steps in her colt, not holding on to anything. She can recognise windows, fans and lights, and even clap her hands. Waving bye-bye is something she practices everyday when my parents go home. Just these few days she learns to purse her lips whenever we say "Chloe chui-du-du!" (in hokkien), which never fails to make everyone laugh. We're all so proud of her. However, she can still only say pa-pa, ma-ma and mam-mam...... Hmmm.... it'll be some time more before she can pronounce hippopotamus! =p

P-Plate

By the end of this week, I will no more be considered a new driver on probation – the luminous yellow and red plastic plate can be removed from my car’s windscreen. However, I pleaded with my hubby to let me leave the ugly thing there for as long as possible. It’s been a year since I passed my driving test but I still lack the confidence to drive.

Let me see…. I do drive frequently from my house to Serangoon Gardens for breakfast – but that’s just about a 5-min journey. I have only been on CTE, SLE and PIE for a grand total of 3 times. My legs turn jelly when the car goes beyond 80km/h. I’m horrible at parking! My hubby has to give step by step instructions like, "slant the car, ok full-lock... Full-lock NOW!... not so fast, check the right mirror….. move forward and adjust the steering wheel straight, turn anti-clockwise…. ". Yup, my judgment is that bad! Up till today, I have not taken the car out and drive alone.

Yesterday morning, I made a brave move to drive my hubby and baby to Sembawang Beach-Park, with the two of them sitting behind. It took me 35 mins just to get to our destination - but we arrived after all. Sigh! I don't know when I will ever gather enough courage to drive alone. Certainly need more practice!

I'm Back!

I was wondering whether I should 'shut down' my blog because it's been inactive for so long! I had to think quite hard to recall the sign-in password. That's bad.

So many things had happened in the past 3 months. I really wanted to pen them down but never found the time to do so. First of all, I was struggling with work. Since the start of the year, I have been so busy, it's overwhelming. Maybe I'm just not that good at multi-tasking. Maybe the work is getting too 'cheem' it's beyond me. Or maybe I was going through a period of adjustment at home (see below). I was very very tired - so tired I entertained the thoughts of either quitting or taking another break (no-pay leave). Then I sobered up - hey it's recession time and so many people are out of work. How can I leave my job like that? I have a huge mortgage to pay and a little baby to raise. In a way I think I can be quite a loser - calling it quits when the going get tough? Tsk tsk tsk..... I pray for strength to get through the day, everyday.....

When Chloe turned 6 months, I started to sleep with her in our room. It was more like my maid raised a white flag and complained that she could not take the lack of sleep anymore. I knew this time bomb would go off - my baby's horrible sleeping patterns in the past was too much for a normal human being to take. She slept at 11pm or later, for 2-3 hours at a time, waking up in the middle of the night to drink and sometimes play! So I was left with no choice but to take over the night shift. To cut the long story short... we've come a long way. Miraculously, Chloe learns to sleep around 10+ pm, and through the night most of the days. I enjoy the opportunities to cuddle her before she falls asleep, and see her lovely smile the first thing she wakes up. [Thanks for your suggestion Jessie!] Of course there are still nights I lose sleep because she wakes whimpering due to bad-dreams or whatever, but the little sacrifice is worth it.

In short, the challenging few months before this robbed me of any mood to blog. But things are looking better for me so I should try my best to keep up my 'diary' on this blog!